Who’s In Control Of The Remote?

By Jim Fannin

Do I get frustrated with my significant other? Never. Am I impatient with her? Never.

Well… there is one time that maybe I do.

It’s the *&#*$ remote control. When it’s in her hands, it’s as if an alien takes over her body. She will change channels with the speed of an auctioneer on a triple espresso latte. The amazing thing is that she can make decisions on whether to watch something or not within 5 seconds. The other amazing thing is that within 5 seconds I can get locked into the program with all of my mental faculties, only to have the images ripped out of my mind with the flick of the remote control.

Ok, this frustrates me!

Of course, couples love to be with each other every minute of every day. But every now and then we need our space to do what we need to do. And on occasion, I need to watch sports and she needs to watch A&E. Obviously, we need two TVs in two separate places of the house. No remote problems here… or so I thought.

On this particular night, I was enjoying watching LeBron and the Cleveland Cavaliers dismantle the Atlanta Hawks. In another room, she was watching a Cold Case File about a grizzly murder that had remained unsolved.

“Ahh… my own remote control.”

Peace, tranquility and locked in the Zone as LeBron goes to the hole for a patented dunk. And just before his coup de grace, the station changed by itself to a detective trying to solve a twenty year old cold case. WHAT?!

Is my wife crawling on her hands and knees behind the couch with the remote control, changing the channels? No one was there. I turned back to the game. LeBron’s by the 3-point line with two men on him. He goes up for the shot… back to A&E… the TV mysteriously switches. “Noooooooooo!”

“Ok, this is not funny!”

I go upstairs and find my wife in the bedroom munching chips with guacamole, while watching A&E. “Did you come downstairs?” I demanded.

“No, why?”

“Are you sure you didn’t come downstairs and change the channel?”

“What do you mean, me? You’ve been changing the channels.”

“What? I’ve been changing the channels? Are you nuts?”

“Yeah I’m watching A&E and right when the case is about to be solved, the TV switches to a basketball game.”

We both look outside our windows to see if some phantom has a universal remote and is changing our channels. Is the cable company playing some kind of a joke?

We call our local TV guru and ask about the mysterious channel-changing challenge. After forking over a service charge, here’s what he said. “Your remotes were programmed on the same radio frequency so that when one changes the channel on one TV, it changes the channel on the other.

“You really didn’t trust me, did you?”

“Yes honey. I trusted you,” I said with a gulp.

“But you accused me of doing something I didn’t do,” she said with a look of grave disappointment. “And you were mean!”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I would accuse you.”

I wonder if that murder case was ever solved? She watches that show a lot. Do you think she’d ever know how to cover one up? Maybe we do need to watch TV together.

I’ll even let her have the remote.